A Prayer

Lately I've become aware that I have "settled for less" in life. From the time I can remember, my life has always been about soul searching, truth seeker, and figuring out what is really going on here. One of my earliest memories is being a young child, and looking up to the sky, asking this mysterious creation in its entirety "Who Am I?" I recognized, even as a young child, that this body was only an extension of my true self, and that there was much more of me, I just realize it at that time. I knew the truth was out there, but didnt know the means to pursuing the truth.

As I got older, my life had been about finding the means of pursuing the truth, and actively doing so. I remember being 12, 13, 14 years of age, studying yoga and meditation, taking psychedelic drugs in order to investigate the mysteries of consciousness. By the time I was 18, I had read atleast 100 books dealing on the subjects of mysticism, meditation, yoga, buddhism, hinduism, christianity, occultism, and paranormal. I had an unquenchable thirst for truth, and it was around that time that I met my first teacher. For years she caused me to grow, challenge myself, and question who I was. She contradicted me, despite my wishes, and forced me to face my fears and to be more honest with myself.

During the past few months, maybe 6 or so, I've pretty much settled for a lot less than who I really am inside, something I fear too many people on this planet do. I stopped investigating the mysteries of this universe and my soul, and started indulging in more material pursuits. Spirituality slowly made its way to the background of my existance.
However, during this time, my heart had never given up. It was always there, sometimes irritatingly so, to remind me that the reason I came to this Earth in the first place was to discover the mysteries of my Soul, thus unlocking the mysteries of the Universe. No one in the world could convince me otherwise.
Despite me trying to run from myself and this world, and the burdens that come with material existance and having a physical body, my heart would always remind me, in every second that it could, that there is a much deeper purpose for me being here. Despite my constant numbing and running, my heart was there to whisper in my ear " You are a warrior. You are a truth seeker. You are a believer. You have a greater purpose than what you are living up to. You can't hide from this forever."

And, I can't. Last night I said the first real prayer I've said in a while. It lasted over an hour, and had only a few words - but my heart was speaking directly to God. I actually listened to my heart for once, and it was rejoicing. It was so excited that I decided to listen. I had finally had enough of numbing myself, enough of fooling myself....enough of seeking the company of others just so I didn't have to be in the company of myself.
And my prayer was answered. Today my sister asked me to go to church with here, a christian metaphysical church located in Roswell. I had been to this church before, and was actually the one who introduced my sister to this church years before. It had been the first time in about two years that I've been here, and suprisingly , the two founders, who are husband and wife, remembered me!
I received a 10 to 15 minute session of healing, in which several people in dressed in all white layed their hands on me, and did reiki, or energy healing. I could feel tensions rising and dissipating, and I was able to relax to a depth I had not been able to for an extremely long time.

Eternally grateful that I got to enjoy this with my sister and mother - and spend some quality time with my family, I suddenly realized on the ride back home that my prayer from last night had been answered. God listened, and became active in my life.

I have faith that God is real. I have faith that life is good, and most importantly, I have faith that I have a purpose.

For the rest of this summer, I'm going to take it day by day, and slowly but surely regain myself, and emerge myself in a Quest that was once the most important thing in every second and breath of my life. I know this is my purpose. I know this is why I'm here. It's time to reclaim my true sprituality, and once again live in my heart.

God, I love you. Please forgive me for being fake, with myself and others, and closing my eyes and hears. You have always loved me, and throughout this life I have turned my eyes and ears away from You, out of fear. No longer. Thats not the warrior who you Created. Thank you for helping to remind me of my divine purpose in life, and thank you for always being there for me, from before Atlantis and far after this incarnation. I Love YOU.